Here's a provocative topic for you all: to douche or not to douche?
What do I mean by "douching"? Well, for those who are not initiated into seduction community dynamics, "douching" is the practice of criticizing, making fun of, and generally ragging on other people in the community.
A little while back, a prominent member of the community heard about something that happened at one of the community events and encouraged me to "douche" the guy out. Said member of the community told me that this would increase my blog traffic.
My response: no thanks.
Why? For so many reasons.
Because, as Gandhi said, "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Because it's terrible karma that will always come back to you.
Because my feelings of discomfort are not about the other person. They are about me.
Because I don't believe in judgment and criticism. I believe in love.
Because when I'm tempted to judge or criticize someone else, I usually realize pretty quickly that it's actually a signal of either some internal issue that I need to take responsibility for and dissolve or of an issue between that person and me that we need to have a conversation about to vent feelings and reach mutual understanding.
Because I believe in communication and finding solutions that work for everybody.
So you won't find me "douching people out" on this blog. I don't have energy for hate. I only have energy for love. And I invite other people in the seduction community to join me in spreading love and understanding rather than judgment.
Dear S, I would have much preferred a direct and mutually respectful conversation and a healthy dose of benefit of the doubt.
Thanks for listening.
***********************
p.s. My flight to LA tonight was delayed, but stay tuned for news from the Epic Seduction Conference. Love to everyone.
7 comments:
You my freind are just awsome.
This made my day.
Cheers.
hmmmm... ???
"Because my feelings of discomfort are not about the other person. They are about me."
Feelings of discomfort often start with something another person does or says or doesn't do or doesn't say... I'm saying this to inspire us to work with the starting point of discomfort, be real about what it feels like when awakening from and shifting discomfort between two **or more** people.
Avoiding the Spiritual Bypass... Avoiding it's either the other person OR its me
Part of my inquiry as to how "for real" can I be becomes more all encompassing, more "grounded" when I take full account of the "consequences/karma/responsibilities/stewardship" of open forms of sexual relating... otherwise known as surfing the paradox!
In NVC, I've heard you mention that "the group owns the conflict"...
I bring this up to say that as I move into a state of greater empowerment, awakening consciousness... greater peace... I notice that I actually have to surrender to a shift of energy in various places it might accumulate in my body...
My perspective on conflict ((along with other states of being)) is that it is viral... it's the domino effect... and like the common cold... it starts with a sneeze and like the childhood game, Turkish telephone, it keeps going and going until someone applies an immunity booster/system balancer to the energy of upset...
I have to refer once again to Entheogenesis ~ Awakening the Divine Within and the discussion about Entrainment, Shamanism, Ecstasy and Integration/Interfacing.
Empathy... from someone else or from me to me... given deeply, authentically and intentionally with out words... is one way I have experienced a balancing of any energy I feel somewhere in my body stemming from any trauma of any kind... I know you have also spoken of EFT as an agent of change for the "feelings, emotions and I'll say energies" that cause upset, imbalance, distract from being love.
and I tend to view love as the state I arrive back into and can share with the greatest pleasure and depth when discomfort has been released, fully released on an energetic level from my body ((be it in my belly, heart, throat, back, legs... conscious somatic releasing from any place in the body))...
When that happens, my mind stops making up stories, my nervous system is calm... and from that place... mind and body are responding with clarity and resumes being appropriate to the situation... be it one in the past, in the present or something coming up in the future...
If this is sounding woo woo to anyone... I'd love to know...
The ways to transmute viral conflictual energies, staying true to oneself, listening intently to guidance even when you'd rather just do what you desire/want/feel like doing and your personal accounts of applying spiritual, emotional, energetic, mental and physical healing methods to return yourself to being love are what drew me to your blog, Erika... your soul searching and authenticity as well... you have been a tremendous support to me as I moved through some very hurt and scary places and have been able to keep bringing it back to choice and surrender :)(:
This might be a lot of talk when what you really could be ?? indirectly requesting/wanting is empathy ?? to be understood and to understand ??
hmmmm... ???
"Because my feelings of discomfort are not about the other person. They are about me."
Feelings of discomfort often start with something another person does or says or doesn't do or doesn't say... I'm saying this to inspire us to work with the starting point of discomfort, be real about what it feels like when awakening from and shifting discomfort between two **or more** people.
Avoiding the Spiritual Bypass... Avoiding it's either the other person OR its me
Part of my inquiry as to how "for real" can I be becomes more all encompassing, more "grounded" when I take full account of the "consequences/karma/responsibilities/stewardship" of open forms of sexual relating... otherwise known as surfing the paradox!
In NVC, I've heard you mention that "the group owns the conflict"...
I bring this up to say that as I move into a state of greater empowerment, awakening consciousness... greater peace... I notice that I actually have to surrender to a shift of energy in various places it might accumulate in my body...
My perspective on conflict ((along with other states of being)) is that it is viral... it's the domino effect... and like the common cold... it starts with a sneeze and like the childhood game, Turkish telephone, it keeps going and going until someone applies an immunity booster/system balancer to the energy of upset...
I have to refer once again to Entheogenesis ~ Awakening the Divine Within and the discussion about Entrainment, Shamanism, Ecstasy and Integration/Interfacing.
Empathy... from someone else or from me to me... given deeply, authentically and intentionally with out words... is one way I have experienced a balancing of any energy I feel somewhere in my body stemming from any trauma of any kind... I know you have also spoken of EFT as an agent of change for the "feelings, emotions and I'll say energies" that cause upset, imbalance, distract from being love.
and I tend to view love as the state I arrive back into and can share with the greatest pleasure and depth when discomfort has been released, fully released on an energetic level from my body ((be it in my belly, heart, throat, back, legs... conscious somatic releasing from any place in the body))...
When that happens, my mind stops making up stories, my nervous system is calm... and from that place... mind and body are responding with clarity and resumes being appropriate to the situation... be it one in the past, in the present or something coming up in the future...
If this is sounding woo woo to anyone... I'd love to know...
The ways to transmute viral conflictual energies, staying true to oneself, listening intently to guidance even when you'd rather just do what you desire/want/feel like doing and your personal accounts of applying spiritual, emotional, energetic, mental and physical healing methods to return yourself to being love are what drew me to your blog, Erika... your soul searching and authenticity as well... you have been a tremendous support to me as I moved through some very hurt and scary places and have been able to keep bringing it back to choice and surrender :)(:
This might be a lot of talk when what you really could be ?? indirectly requesting/wanting is empathy ?? to be understood and to understand ??
What I dont get is why your blog seemingly popped out of now where to be on all those pua instructors blog lists.
Also, if you really wanted to not "douche", you wouldnt have mentioned S's request. What you've actually done is "douche" other people who have "douched". Its like the pot calling the pipe black.
Anyhow gotta wash the period out of my finger nails and get to bed.
Thanx for posting my comment on nvc yesterday btw.
Dig your ideas. You rock girl.
I think you've just indirectly and maybe accidentially douched Sinn, hope you can guys can still enjoy hanging out together at the conference...
Satisfaction
hi Satisfaction,
I appreciate your kind thoughts.
To be clear, I have only good things to say about Sinn. He is generous in the community, has a delightful sense of humor, and has been writing some of the most creative and fun material around about seducing women, including his Sex and the City and Ayn Rand series.
He's also been sick recently, and I wish him Godspeed in his recovery.
Love,
Erika
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