Oh ... My ... God.
I just got back from Burning Man, and I'm so excited to tell you all about it that I'm blogging before doing ANYTHING else. Haven't showered, haven't unpacked, haven't done diddly squat except get my computer out so I could start sharing with you immediately.
I feel REBORN. I am not joking. I feel like a completely different person. Like 100 pounds of emotional weight was lifted off my body.
Burning Man is different every year. This year was not about partying until dawn, at least not for me. It was about healing and ... apparently ... about beginning to reclaim my sexuality.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I went to the event with a guy who I'm calling Burning Man Guy (BMG). He and I met exactly one year ago, at Burning Man, very appropriately at the entrance of the Temple of the Divine Feminine in the Sacred Spaces Camp. We had an immediate heart chakra connection and remained friends all year but had not become super close.
This year we again stayed with Sacred Spaces. Our camp was right next to Red Lightning, and this was one of the highest vibrational sites I've ever experienced, at Burning Man or otherwise. The place was filled with healing crystals, sacred geometry, and a large number of powerful healers.
This set the scene for a quite remarkable development in my life. I often tell my Emotional Freedom Technique clients that their outer world will mirror their inner world. Thus, if they have an inner conflict about something, that conflict will show up in the people and places they experience. The Inner Committee will manifest as the Outer Committee.
Well, as you know if you've read this blog for a while, I've had an inner conflict for a long time about sex. Part of me has been very happy with the clarity and spiritual presence that abstinence has brought me. Another part of me has been hopeful all along that I could find a way to integrate sex into my life that would feel good to me. I wanted to find a way to experience sacred sex, which to me is sex that is deeply connected and loving and healing. I got a glimpse of that in January in Los Angeles, when Entropy and I entered into a very sacred sexual space that I personally had never experienced before. In essence, we accidentally discovered tantra, which I had long heard about but never felt for myself.
It was absolutely amazing.
The only trouble is that we connected so deeply that in the aftermath some very painful old stuff was stirred up for me, and I suspect for him, too. And I couldn't seem to get myself fully out of the pain of it ... until now. For me, Burning Man turned out to be about healing the pain through a surrogate. An absolutely fascinating process. But more on that in the next post. :-)
For now, I just have to appreciate God's sense of humor.
How did my inner conflict about sex get played out in my experience? Well, we were camped alongside Krishna Camp, a group of ... as the name suggests ... devout Krishnas. Most of them celibate men. But we were also camped with the S.E.X. camp, which is all about sacred sexuality and creates a safe space for people to experience that. And it turned out there was a bit of a flare-up between the two groups prior to Burning Man, giving rise to much tension, which led the leaders of the camp to put together a panel to discuss the issue openly of whether it was a good idea to have sacred sex people in the same camp with sacred celibacy people.
The panel included a celibate monk from the Krishnas, my friend Destin Gerek (http://www.eroticrockstar.com), a soccer mom turned gay/bisexual activist, a gay foot fetishist healer, Dancer (the male partner from S.E.X.), and Sherri Huggi Ma, among others.
They all talked about their experiences, and you know what? Despite the wide variety of practices, we heard a lot of common ground. It seemed like everyone is really just looking for a better connection to the Divine. After listening to all this, I started feeling that my abstinence had been a great way to get clarity about sex and develop a very stable center, but that I really did want to explore the sacred sexuality stuff. Fortunately, I have a lot of friends who teach sacred sex, so I'm going to have a lot of resources.
(And, btw, lest anyone should doubt the power of celibacy, I noticed being very sexually activated around the Krishnas, which is rare for me. I attribute it to the fact that they have cultivated a ton of presence and clear minds, so their masculinity comes off as very pure and powerful. Also, they are not trying to get something from women, and the vibe felt like a deep respect for women. I hope they won't be offended by me saying that. ;-)
I'll save the rest of the stories for the next few blog posts, but here's a little teaser. BMG is a very powerful healer, but I had no idea how powerful until this week. He gave me three unbelievably powerful healings three days in a row, and I feel like an entirely different person. We released some old trauma, which is what got stirred up after January (had nothing to do with the present moment, all trapped in my body from the past).
And I have set a new intention: I now intend to reclaim my root and sacral chakras (and with them my sacred sexuality), just as I've already reclaimed my heart chakra and my intuition.
This is going to be a VERY exciting journey, so hold on for the ride! :-)
Big big big smiles today.