Last night was really hilarious.
I had these big plans to have sex and more ...
And then ... just the day before, I had just been thinking of Destin Gerek (from Erotic Rockstar), and yesterday out of the blue I received a text message from him wanting to talk with me.
Destin called me early evening, said he'd been reading my blog posts, and questioned whether it was really a good idea for me to be doing my casual sex challenge.
I ended up not having sex.
The guy I was going to have sex with was a good sport about it. He thought it was hilarious that he had been cockblocked by a sex coach.
*************
Destin is going to be in Vegas with us too. I wonder if he'll be acting as the angel on my shoulder :)
Btw, we have an all star line-up for Johnny's workshop in Vegas (including Hypnotica and Adam Lyons). Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com if you're interested in attending.
Or sign up here: Click here to visit The Worthy Playboy Institute. (This is an affiliate link. By signing up for the workshop here, you are supporting this blog and my work helping men and women form more authentic connections.)
15 comments:
Since you've taken this public...
Erika, I'm not here to talk you out of anything. I'm not here to talk you into anything. I am here to be of support to you in being clear on what it is that you really want, and to support you in actually getting it. I'll ask you questions more than I'll tell you answers.
Our lives have been orbiting around one another's and having their gravitational impacting effect for over a year now. Two, if you count our first meeting.
I care.
As for Vegas, yes, you'll likely have many horn(-ed/-y) devils floating around you, and that does trigger my protector instincts. You've positioned yourself as a prized conquest, and that definitely holds its dangers.
If I can be one man in your life that doesn't have an agenda of fucking you, but rather pure support, than that's what I'd like to be.
My life is full. My needs are met. My self-esteem is high. I need nothing from you. You are a wonderful woman, but I long ago put you into friend/colleague category. Flipping the script and trying to engage you sexually would not be serving you. It would only add to reasons to distrust men and their motives. Fuck that. Not my thing.
In Vegas, I have my own agenda. I'm there pitching investors regarding my video production company. And of course, causing scenes and having a great time. All of which, I do quite well at.
I have a lot on my plate. However, do know that you have my #, if you need support in whatever way, don't hesitate. Again, do what you will. Just be sure that it is what you actually desire.
In service,
Destin
Hey Destin,
Thanks for your comment. The blog post was very much tongue in cheek, like much of my writing.
I am well aware that you are looking out for me as a friend, and I really appreciate it. Obviously you were expressing something that resonated with me, because of course at the end of the day I make my own decisions.
Thanks for commenting, it's always nice to hear from you.
- Erika
I agree with Destin. Whoever this guy was clearly was there just to get in your pants. You need to find someone with their stuff together who's sure to make your next sexual experience a good one.
I mean, I have all the faith in the world, but San Francisco is full of weirdos, and you don't want to go to bed with the first guy who shows up with condoms and body paint, y'know?
I care for you Erika, I hope you find someone wonderful to do these things with.
Love,
Justin
Condoms and body paint ...
(ahem)
LO fucking L :)
I thought January 1st on counted :O?
Not ALL single guys are trying to fuck you Erika, but I'm sure you know that. Still I'm wondering if you ever feel something honest and comforting in meeting strangers who would only want you for one thing. Part of the joys of traveling.
hey SMoKeLioN,
Nah, I'm not really interested in bodies coming together ... only leads to pain.
I'm far more interested in hearts coming together.
Why all this separation in the first place. Why is it either bodies or hearts?
What exactly is the required amount of time spent before sex is not casual.
To me sex is never casual. Even if I just met my partner. Why put conditions on my heart?
Reality is not the stories we tell ourselves. We can change the stories. That is supposed to be a big part of Tantra in the first place. What does it mean to protect what is trying to open?
Most of the world lives in serial monogamy. How much more painful is it to have promises made than to experience life directly without or at least regardless of the stories?
Erika,
I wish for you to live free of the restrictions you put on your heart. May you have the long term memories and still enjoy the moments.
I love Johnny Soporno's ideas about the pussy cartel.
For me, I cannot simultaneously guard against pain and grow.
Hey D.J.,
Thanks for commenting. It's not about guarding. It's about being more honest so everyone can make good choices for themselves.
And yeah, body and heart can go together. But body without heart, which is what many people are doing ... no thanks.
It's also about creating the life I really want, which for me means a permanent partnership with a man I can count on.
Someone who says what he means, and means what he says.
- Erika
5 hearts in 1 month!?
Jesus. That's 10 bottles of wine worth - at least.
Its difficult to find people you can truly count on. Good friends are rarer than good lovers.
HUmmmmmm... I'm so glad to see the level of high quality support you received from Destin... we just became FB friends...
I support his advice and that of people who encourage you to be discerning about who you have sex with. I'd say that most of what I learned recently taught me that I need to have the same kind of brothers in my life who stop me and make me check my congruence before jumping off the cliff.
I simply restimulated everything that doesn't work for me any longer. I know I already knew that...
I spent 8 months refusing to communicate, 4 months attempting to work it out of my system with other partners, 2.5 months working with meditation, journaling, EFT, and radical forgiveness... and one night of jumping off the cliff only to find a day later, I was conversing with an ego, not a present and available human being.
I got caught up in the fairy tale we were creating Erika.
Hi Erika!
I'm so glad you had super support on board from Destin!
I'd like to cultivate that emergency warning system for myself...
You deserve to have a lover who can take the time to honor himself and share himself with you authentically... to show up for you as you express your commitments... and do so live and in person... moment by moment... texting is an out of body experience...
Personally, I'm interested in a new chapter... a deeper look at developing authentic intimacy... I'm interested in knowing what the realities are of creating tangible trust with a potential partner.
I have also learned my lesson... do not get close to a former partner until the wounds have really healed and new patterns are obvious, consistent and nourishing to me.
As much as I don't want to say it, I feel like Entropy not connecting with you has been for the better... unless, of course, a big and sustainable breakthrough were to happen, one that you could trust...
And, it's better you, at least, did not throw yourself on the fire
I wanted to thank you for writing this post.
I've sat with this one for a few days... I don't think that unless it was for your writing these posts that I would ever be able to see what I've been caught in clearly enough to be able to face what's really happened.
I think I would believe all the garbage a con man has to say because, unless you stuck it out here with these posts, I don't know if anyone could speak deeply enough to truly be able to affirm the role the heart plays in needing to be healed after being deceived... and worse.
Karma... ok... yes... I agree karma is involved here... and I agree, God is not here to simply punish me endlessly... so, then what?
It comes down to healing the heart... really healing it and honoring it above all things.
If someone can't stand up to the tests to prove that my heart is going to be safe and cared for in his presence, respected above all things, then what am I doing to my own heart?
Gayla,
I'm confused, did you mean to post this comment on the other post?
Yes! I did... trying to write just before heading out the door at 6:30am this morning... Opps!
Sid here...
Good Choice. It would be nice to see a revision post on your 5 lays in 1 month mission, however. What's your stance now?
It's always about a balance, isn't it? Perhaps, your celibacy is an extreme, and perhaps stuffing 5 strangers into a month is the other end of the spectrum.
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